As anticipated, the next entry to this blog comes past 4 in the morning. I find this hour to be many things – lonely, introspective, ALIVE. But some nights, more than anything else it strikes me as Holy. The Lord above and I are the only ones awake, and I think He’s closer than usual. I find the darkness also allows, almost forces, one to be honest with oneself, and relationship with one’s God is a topic that requires utmost self-honesty. It seems almost certain that Kate Bush negotiated her deal with God as the first birds sang. Leonard Cohen begged the Dealer to be released from the game at this hour. How many Psalms were written by a sleepless king bent before a candle?

I sat down this morning to write about a series of realizations that struck me recently as I was reading my way through the Gospel of Matthew. However, as I flipped to my first passage, I was struck by another verse – my favourite words in the Bible.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God"

Matthew 5:8. It’s a simple verse: short, well known, one of the Beatitudes, you’ve heard it before. But thinking on it affects me more profoundly than any other, and so it only seems right to try and break down why, as much for me as for anyone else.

Blessed are the pure in heart. We all know what it means to be blessed. In this chapter alone, it is to be shown mercy, to be filled, to be called a child of God. Elsewhere; to have God’s face shine upon us, to soar on wings like eagles. Always, something to be sought after. Sometimes, given freely, such as the Aaronic blessing in Numbers 6. Elsewhere, attached to a command, as in the Beatitudes. Sometimes easy to understand, other times less so. “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy” is straightforward. The command in verse 8? Not so much. I have struggled long and hard over what it means to be pure in heart. I am certain that saints, sinners, and smarter men than I have done the same, and drawn many different conclusions. However, I hope what I have pulled from this text may be new and of value to somebody.

To determine what Jesus desires when asking us to be pure of heart, I think it is important to look at the offered reward. The rest of the Beatitudes show a clear relation, often a direct reversal, between the command given and the blessing received. The mourner comforted, the hungry fed. If we are pure in heart, the Son of Man promises that we will see God, which seems less clear a connection.

Out of all the blessings Jesus speaks of on the mount, the right to See God has always been the one I longed for most. I am a doubter. I have struggled with God’s existence, God’s grace, and my own salvation since the age of six. I find it hard to condemn Thomas the Doubter, who needed to place his hand in Jesus’ side in order to believe.

I fall struck down upon my knees
And hear nought but the mournful wind
"When you are weak, yet still I Am"
Thus saith the Lord - his name be praised

I weep as those consumed by zeal
Hear not my silent cry to Him
"By this, your love, you will be known"
Thus saith the Lord - his name be praised

Despite my hunger and my thirst
I see God not, and yet I hear
"Now blessed are those most pure in heart"
Thus saith the Lord - his name be praised

I have doubted, and in my doubts I have cried out to see the face of God, to see a sign. To see God is to know with more certainty than ever before. I long for nothing more than the day I will enter into the kingdom and gaze upon His majesty. To have any remaining doubt, any uncertainty washed out by His holy light, and to know that I have withstood the doubts and thoughts that have plagued me. When I meditate upon this verse, it is this day that I am thinking of.

And so, I strive to be pure in heart. To think on Jesus when doubts assail, knowing the sight that I seek will be my reward. To live in a way that ensures my reaching of that day And to be assured that I am justified by my faith.